• Fuck a dick posted an update 4 months, 3 weeks ago

    My x left me when he found out I had cancer ! I texted him and said I couldnt do this no more!!! And I expected him to tell me i was gonna get throw this together but instead Ive never heard from him again in 5 days. Later i checked his facebook he went from 6 friends to 116 girlfriends in that short amount of time. Leaving me to be wounder cry and just no words can every described the emotions the feeling of complete loneliness ashamed stuipd thoughts of hom some where out thier secretly 😆 at me . mad things worse for me…. not only shocked but devastated destroyed and lefted me l suicidal and fucked up in my head but also hating myself cuz I was rasised to know what goes on in mens prison ya the kicker is , He’s in prison and I done every fucken thing for him he had it made like some kingvpen all that’s to me . cuz i knew what people think in there carrys alot of weight . meaning if you got people taking care of you…. Then you have to be somebody out there on the street to have it like that and you get people who notice shit like that cuz there gonna see that as respected and look up to you cuz everybody wants the power to be somebody in prison cuz if not good. cuz in prison its about who is strongest first mentally and physically that number #1. #2 would be the person that had money or things to make them self into something above the goldfish in the sea thats what i call every weak scared dont have shit. Coming and nobody gives a shit about you from the streets that says alot about what people thimk about you in there.
    why cuz think about it if you cant fight or get tired of fighting every damm day . cuz theres thousand of men doing time and if you put them in to catagories you would think of it like this you got the top dog of the pyramid and theyll be able to handle it physically be able to back it up so nobody he’s going to challenge him except he’s going to have other people that are at the top two but they’re not going to compete for the same thing it’s called respect then you have Category 2 where they have somebody taking care of them they don’t have to ask for nothing there able to mind their own business and kind of skate through s*** and stay out of trouble and then you got Category 3 is the lowest of low I’m not strong enough they’ve beat down so bad everyday i canvwake up to thecsamecrspest or get gsng rsped each and every day night bectraded gor sec or i csn give up thst right to gettong my ass beat raped everyday to goinh back to what is the new normal of what the closet of what i use to think was scarest ive ever been is my best day ever since ive beem throw sp much worse that it made me see that its not as bad as it could be so they breal you down and change you to be what your new life is and the only thing you can think of is one day this will all be over and ill be free but your never ever gonna be free from all that you been through theres no fucken way to ever really get throw it all but you have this new anger resentment inside that your just so fuck up trying to escape from your new nightmates and go right back to the place you hate and scared but its not as bad as the very first time or experienced .
    cuz you already know what to do and things get easier and easier as time goes on its not as bad as you used to feel and your not embarrassed or ashamed about shit cuz it happens to everybody. So nobody can talk about nobody Business in here or out there cuz when you get caught running your mouth about what happens in kail stays in jail an noby has to know type of shit .. Thats just programing you to comform to thier rules cuz you know whats you got coming if you break the rules so you learn to adjust to your environment t becomes your new reality and new normal to contray to what you use to think wasccrazy and pray for death to come but now you no what worse the that your reminded of where they’re at and eventually they give up fighting and start submitting and adjusting to the new way of life. And the beat down mentally emotionally physically they get you to a place you have mo choice but to summit they have no other options they’re hungry they’re scared they can’t protect himself so they submit by doing it willingly but eventually willingly just to get through day-to-day activities imagine how that would be I couldn’t even imagine but knowing whats the worse of the two its called survival of the fitness who will be able to get through this and walk away either all broken or hell appreciated life so much more then they did before .
    every day of my life in jail she made sure I was ok that I was living comfortably
    that I didn’t have to worry about nobody taking s*** from me things us men do in the night when the lights go off and after count and that’s it we live in peace and we watch and laugh and do itr thing and it’s nothing but sex and that’s it everything and everybody else is doing it to
    but without somebody taking care of you and supporting you’d be in the same bottom-feeders like every other goldfish in the sea and the Sharks will be coming after you not passing by .you like they do me know
    you knowing that you’re already with somebody and they let it be so don’t ever think that you’re better than anybody else because you’re just one step away from being like them mind your business
    Who would you be if you were. With no support.
    nothing at all out there on the street .
    you say you don’t care now .
    because you didnt have to go throw to much .
    You can thank me and this is how you repay me
    You’re. A. Real peace of work
    Ya i know your on way out the door and on your way home
    you’ll be back there again because really inside you’re just a gay and love sex in jail it truns you on
    The chase the hunt and hunted of it all thats all about its the new normal is to you you cant see that way cuz you think its not right and you think it’s just cuz your in jail but when your out and having sex with women you don’t feel the same
    he lived like a king had it all and used me to buy a phone and food and shoes and chains and and so much mail that he would tell me i writing a fucken book so he said it was to much so he throw some away it was to much to even bother to read. .. Hes gotten make himself fight with me so he didn’t have to call and talk to me.
    And. Be mad at me over not answering the phone at 5:30 am cuz i was sleeping … All he ever dose is has a excuse why he cant write me back and this and that… So ive been making sure for the last 4 yrs. Of my life that he would have everything he needs when he comes home cuz we were planning a life together he surprised me and put my name on his body once on his leg and next year on his wedding finger. So not once but twice …. I never was really was happy about it cuz to me he just did It knowing he was gonna cover it wiih some random design put over it and cover it and it never felt right !!! Cuz we never talked about it and He’s not that type he always says how much he cant stand women chick and broads and hoes sluts and putas and I’ve always suspected he was jail house toothy fruity and jokingly said I know you have someone bobbing on your knob and licking your ass do font think i don’t know everything that goes down when its night time i know the closest gets the moistest and plays the part of being me when tomorrow it will be you playing the part down on your knees but daddy don’t every think your gonna play me for stupid cuz im not some dumb bitch you meet off the street im your old big booty bitch that made you call out my name and made your toes curl and so much more … Then vibes this to me!!! Do i decided to let him go not follow or see what hes up to I even deleted my face books or should i say log out of them cuz i can mo longer log into them cuz i font know the passwords to deleted them which means i nolonger can access them anymore so its the dame thing now the only thing i can say its im gonna save my suicidal thoughts and let him think he got away with hurting me ….. But i actually gonna wait and let him actually have a great wonderful best life he ever possibly couldn’t imagine being even happy in his entire life … Then im gonna smile when he. Notices my face and see what he does and what he has to say then … And oh sweetie when i tell you this im as patient as patient as I can be as long as god is willing to work with me ill be !!! And one more thing Boy you better hope to God that he Changes something from then to now cuz you No I do Exacly as I say so the mometer be expecting to have to see me one day cuz its not over till I hear The phat lady sing and thats one fucken promise I promise on everything I Love You Will always always each and everyday rathers for good bad or to hating me you’ll never ever be able to forget forget about me over cover my name cuz you and i both know exactly i left a make on your body and your fucken soul you gave those to me and pledged just how fucken much you loved me so im gonna make sure you keep your promise of never ever doing me wrong cuz you said to just trust you know who you fucken belongs and youn know body could take that or change that or get in between all the hard work ive put in not even your family or no other bitch cuz ive done more then anybody in your entire life has mad given or stuck bye you like i have but guess what ive never loved any man like i love you and ive never given or gone against my own judgment or done so much for a man like ive done for you 45 pair of shorts 30 pair of jordan shoes shirts designer undervwear. Hats and. Jewelry few watches and 2 brand new clippers in a box shavers and more …… I worked struggled and keep it all afloat for you to go and pull this BITCH ASS PUNK SUCK SOME DICK MAKE A FOOL OUT OF ME OLD TYPE OF SHIT LOL LMFAO …. Then Daddy My Knight Rider you just played your damm self enjoy your new life be happy make plans that doesn’t included. Me in it and i promise you Daddy on my dying breath .your gonna change your mind about me way or another ..your gonna wake up one day and realized you fucked up not just alittle but you fucked up cuz you cant change shit now cuz look what you’ve done and now your whole life’s gonna flash between your face and your gonna remember about me and your gonna realize how stuipd you trully been and That’s the day ill only get to dream about till that day finally comes around but I pray god knows my heart my Love And How much I’ve Sacrificed and given up to have peace of mind to know when something worth fighting for and what isn’t worth shit no more and let it be …. Cuz god is great when you believe in him and aeen him do things nobody eles could you start to understand but i gotta do what’s best for myself and sometimes god has to help you see that some people arnt worth the same air i breath and the best revenge could be to never look back cuz it wast real on there part cuz their a real piece of shit you truly are and maybe god did me a favor by removing you from my life cuz i could see myself sticking by you cuz thats how much i truly was in love with you but lying and destrorying your trust over and over again and again you took my love and flushed it away. Good luck on your future endeavors maybe you be happy and change your evil ways cuz i dont want to pay you a visit it wouldnt be good for neither of us for im gonna prey for you and also for me to have a peaceful heart cuz Im truly shocked at the way you just dissed me so cold heartily that i gotta pray hard that god has something in s store for me something much more beautiful then i ever could possibly I amine happening to me l hope god willing ill get to see but who knows if that will ever come before i go on my journey of my mew scary life but one things getting me there or get the best of me i can just watch and see im gonna be richer in life then anybody could imagine i would be and finally. Knows god is the only real company i need in my life everything happens for a reason i believe you have to go throw p ain staking chit to come out a better person after the storm just mark my words your really gonna them of me everyday till your dying last breath your gonna think of me and never a bitch guy or what ever will never replace all the first i did to you naturally im the only chick that you’ll ever truly love and you know your wrong for this but your to prideful to ever admit but gods gonna give me the answers so im not tripping anymore in my headgear soul I’m killing you off just like you are dead to me but your gonna keep me alive in your head and always feel some type away for this

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